Friday, 2 March 2012

Question: Prayer when Prayer won't happen

The past few weeks have been challenging for me.  I've had a home / parenting issue to deal with, as well as uncertainty as to where my life should be heading.  Everything good feels dull and everything hard feels too heavy for me to carry.  My medication seems to be having no effect other than to make me feel tired all the time, and I've lost enthusiasm for everything I once enjoyed.  I just feel a constant tension between wanting to hide away, and wanting someone to reach out and help me.  Sympathy or understanding feels stifling, yet I know it comes from hearts of grace, I feel angry at the giver, and I question their motives.  I just want to cocoon myself away with my daughter and my cat, and forget the rest of the world.

Someone I know is also going through a difficult time, and hearing about this has (selfishly) ignited all the emotions that I went through when a very similar time occurred in my own life.  Stuff I thought I had long since buried.

The result of this is I feel spiritually empty.  In fact, if I had to sum my feelings up in a song, it would be this one:



My logical brain is telling me, based upon my experiences as a Christian up till now, and what I've seen, heard and read, that God loves me deeply.  My mind right now is telling me that God hates me, and so does everyone else.

As I'm sure I'm not the only person ever to feel like this, this post is an open invitation to others to share their advice.  I can't pray.  I don't know why, but when I try, the words don't come.  A feeling of blankness fills my mind, and a feeling of loneliness feels my heart.

So if anyone actually reads this and can relate, please, leave a comment.  Tell me how you work through these times.

Take care

M
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2 comments:

  1. Paul7 March 2012 at 22:42

    Good honest post. Here's what I do when this happens to me (and it happens more often than I would care to admit): I read the Psalms. A lot. They cover just about every emotion we could travel ourselves and in reading them (out loud) make them your prayer. Psalm 42 is a great place to start- and to stay if you need to- reading it to yourself every day if necessary. Ask yourself the question: "Why are you cast down O my soul?" and then answer with the hope "I shall again praise Him". This is only a temporary "glitch", something you are going through that will pass. Enjoy your security in Him and just read out those songs to Him and allow Him to work through them. You will again praise Him!!!

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  2. MLP8 March 2012 at 06:41

    Thanks very much - there's a follow-up post planned, time permitting, very shortly. Psalm 42 is a really helpful psalm, which I read after getting your comment last night - so thank you for the help :)

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