So now I’m a fully-fledged, all signed up member of Jesus’s disciples, right? I should start being good all the time, be happy all the time, and be healed of this silly sickness called depression? Nah, it don’t quite work like that.
I got a bit too sure of myself, thinking that this depression stuff was all in the past. Also, remember the financial mess my ex had left me in? Well, I still hadn’t dealt with that. Basically, I started taking out these cash-advance payday loans, with seriously high interest rates, in order to put food on the table back when we were still together. I kept telling myself that I was dealing with it, and reducing the payments each month, without actually sitting down and doing the Maths. It’s not that I can’t add up – I’ve just finished a Uni maths module. I was too scared to face it.
Add to this, a difficult, complicated family bereavement, and some work worries, and I faced another bout of depression. I returned to the doctor and had my medication increased, and had another two weeks off work. I basically told my work colleague what my situation was, and he and his wife turned up at my house that night with a food parcel from the church! The following week, the church community pastor turned up with some cash to help me get through, and finally, once I’d told my business manager at work my situation, he arranged an interest free loan which has allowed me to pay off these immoral loans! Yet another answered prayer from God! But in order for me to receive these blessings, I had to surrender a sin that I was holding on to strongly – Pride. I needed to be broken in order to see how much I needed God’s help, and the help of His people. I am truly grateful and thankful every day for the kindness shown to me by some of the people around me, even though I don’t deserve it, just as none of us deserve the gift of eternal life offered to us through Jesus.
My depression is still here, and I’m fighting it back every day. I know God will strengthen me to fight it off once and for all when He sees fit. It’s not always easy, and quite often, I act out like a complete muppet, but in time, God will teach me to be normal ;)
I still sin as well. I still react angrily when I shouldn’t; I still panic and forget to turn my problems over to Christ. I still say, do and think things I shouldn’t. But I know that I have God’s forgiveness. He’ll make me what He wants me to be in His time.
Thanks for reading,